My Favorite Things...Right Now (August 2009)

"Keanu!"

1. AV Club (www.avclub.com) --- pop culture criticism courtesy of The Onion, I think. I'm not in lockstep with the overall attitude (they're those annoying kids who quote The Simpsons, Arrested Development, and Caddyshack all fuckin' day), but they offer some well-written insights with the snark. Oh yeah, the personal memories make an addictive touch. I can't stand the commentators, though. Not as bad as Gawker's, but real bloody close. The top features I enjoy are "Commentary Tracks of the Damned," "I Watched This On Purpose," and "The New Cult Canon." But, the feature I physically crave and which has the best potential to make me plotz is "Random Roles." OMG. An actor/actress is taken down memory lane (aka imdb page) to illuminate all of their roles be they career-making, iconic, or obscure. Take for example the intro for Matthew Modine:
   "The veteran actor talks about the exhaustion of working with Stanley Kubrick, why Geena Davis might as well have worn a strap-on for Cutthroat Island, and the meaning of life." Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Please.
2. The Closer --- Awesomeness on Monday nights. I can only pray that Tarantino is a fan, and drops in to write and direct an episode. The murders and crimes take a backseat to the human drama, especially in the fifth season. The entanglements and politics in the squad room are handled well. Watching Brenda work her way under, through and around obstacles is a joy. Don't we all wish we had her gumption? Provenza's skill in trickery rivals hers, and I'm loving the natty ties. I only ask that we get more Mama and Daddy. Or, let's get a looky-loo at Brenda's sibling/s. Charlie was good, now let's bug the hell out of the brother and wife.
3. my mom's macaroni salad, saltines, and strong Persian tea --- Quite possibly, the most perfect meal. I love how two of the whitest foods in existence get combined with tea that could rule the world.
4. Lifesavers Gummie Sours --- They rolled this product out in spring with a soft run. I think. Either that, or CVS is a motherfucker. Anyway, I tried a bag then and dug it to the max. They combined the seductive allure of sweet rubber with the tart freshness found in a roll of Lifesavers. And, then rubbed it up and down with sugar granules. Plotz. Lo and behold, the powers that be decided they could make moolah, and now I can skip to my CVS and get it any time I want. I fell in love with the classic fruit flavors, but recently tried a Wild Berry variation. Believe it, it can get better! It's heavy on the tartness. But here's the genius potential of Wild Berry. Afterwards, my throat burned for a bit. (Like when I slam tequila. Awesome.) Then, my belly burned for a bit. (Like when I sip expensive whiskey. Double Awesome.) I'm intrigued. I need to perform another taste test and determine if gobbling this candy simulates some of the effects of hard liquor.
5. Cash Cab (Discovery channel) --- The first I heard about this show was when I was stuck in a dorm with a bunch of young things (I'm an "olds"...obviously.). They were nattering about it one afternoon, and that night I strolled across to a Dunkin' Donuts for late night brew. I'm in there waiting for coffee, with about four other "olds." But, there's a teenager with two of them. He suddenly bolts up and rushes out the door. "It's the Cash Cab! Cash Cab!" Me and the remaining "olds" stand there bemused. They're thinking "What the hell is the Cash Cab?" I'm thinking "Weird. I just heard about it today, and bing! it appears. Note to self: tell the young 'uns tomorrow." When I did inform them, they immediately jumped all over me for not getting in it. First, I knew more than the rest of the "olds" in the DD, but I was still fuzzy about the details. Two, the teenager was begging and negotiating for a ride when I left with my extra-large black coffee. Three, I had nowhere to go as my accommodations were right across the street. Fast forward to now, I finally caught a few episodes and I'm hooked. It's fun to waste a morning watching people score either cash or a free ride in New York.
6. my thigh squisher --- Discovered while shucking. It's not as obscene as Suzanne Somers' golden calf. My thingy looks like a giant IUD sheathed in turquoise polyethylene. I'm squeezing 100 reps with my thighs, then working my arms for another 100. It zooms in on that armpit flab and pulverizes it.
7. Quentin Tarantino's voice --- Inglourious Basterds. The quotes and stories used to publicize it. Death Proof on cable. Kill Bill, Vol. 1 and Kill Bill, Vol. 2 for-bloody-ever. The amazing soundtracks. And, now Mr. Tarantino dropped some impassioned arguments for The Jacksons...not The Jackson 5, no, he means The Jacksons, you hear me? It's on iTunes as a celebrity podcast. Amazingingness.
8. birthday playlist --- I always scramble up a playlist for my birthday month. I'm especially enjoying this year's version, "August Flux." I deliberately chose stuff that didn't have high play counts. There's a total of 205 songs, but here's a random pull of ten: "Take Yo' Praise," Camille Yarbrough; "Gone Daddy Gone," Violent Femmes; "Impressive Instant," Madonna ("I like to singy, singy, singy. Like a bird on a wingy, wingy, wingy." Classic.); "I Don't Want to Know (What I Don't Want to Know)," Mike Gunther and His Restless Souls; "Nothing Takes the Place Of You," Toussaint McCall; "Sugar, Sugar," Ike & Tina Turner; "Small Planet," Ferraby Lionheart; "Can't Get Out Of This Mood," Chris O'Connor; "The Day I Found Myself," Honey Cone; and "What It Feels Like For A Girl," Madonna (again! of course).
9. playing "Keanu!" on the cable guide --- For trivial reasons, a friend and I daily crawl through the cable listing guide on our TVs. More often than not, we're together when we do this. We started to notice that we could always find a Keanu Reeves movie playing somewhere. This led to a discussion of whether he gets paid from all this play, which folded into the topic of how many movies he's made that people like to watch repeatedly. We then ruminated that he always plays lovers, never husbands or fathers. Then, we started to compare/contrast the careers and private escapades of Mr. Reeves and Mr. Clooney. Now our favorite timewasting endeavor is counting the many films of Keanu Reeves being broadcast (we cry out his name as we spy his flicks). We've been playing for months. Only twice did we come up with bupkis. The highest count was six. And, yes, when we're in a good mood, we count Clooney's movies, too. Yikes.
10. Meryl Streep --- Movie stars can save lives. I was prostrate on my living room floor sinking into a heat stroke after swanning about town in oppressive heat. I'm about to black out, and then I hear the lilting tones of Streep. She was giving promo for some movie she's done. She's ensconced between Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. Utterly compelling and adorable at the same time. I was revived. Thank you, Meryl Streep.