Why Annie Leibovitz Deserves Her Bailout More than Goldman Sachs

Official White House Photo by Annie Leibovitz.

This is a such a good looking family. Granted, Annie Leibovitz doesn't have to work too hard with all the photogenic genes going on in that DNA pool...but, Leibovitz nails their shared warmth and approachability. Look how all four family members are leaning into the picture with their eyes. Watch out Tyra, I've just come up with lyzing! Please, please, please Keepers of the English Lexicon, keep that BS "smize" out of the dictionaries. The body language in this composition telegraphs an enviable unity, especially Michelle. She's got both girls in hand. This is a lovely formal portrait. I wonder if Leibovitz has any striking candids on any of the contact sheets. I'd bet 500 quid that she does.

Week 6 - Pittsburgh Steelers 2009

The Steelers are tied for first place with the Bengals in the AFC North. Fine. Not happy, but fine. Ben does not lie when he says there is still need for improvement. I'm giving the big side-eye to Bruce Arians for not establishing and sticking to the run, especially when Ben and the receiving corps can land TDs in such convincing fashion. I don't like airy-fairy teams. You can beat airy-fairy teams. A powerful running back and/or slick running scheme combined with a talented quarterback gives defenses fits. That's all I'm saying. For now.

Another area I'm not happy about is special teams. Last year, I dry-heaved when the Steelers had to punt the ball because the punt kicker was so lousy. You just knew that the other team was going to have more than good field position. Well, Sepulveda healed and is back to form. Now, it's the field goal attempts that are making my stomach flippity-flop, especially when we're on the road. Pittsburgh should have beat Chicago in Week 2, and Jeff Reed's whiffed kicks contributed mightily to that loss. I was shocked that he whiffed TWO kicks. That's not acceptable.

There's a report from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette that Reed got into another drunken scuffle on Sunday. WTF. Now, I know that Reed is a bit of a bon vivant (and by that, I mean drunky) and it's really not any of my business. It's his life, and he's old enough to accept responsibility for his decisions. With one caveat. Hangovers and the other negative physical effects of heavy drinking better not be the reason for the lack of leg in Chicago.

It is a well-known fact that I'm not the biggest fan of kickers. I can only think of two I actually admire. Obviously, Gary Anderson. I wasn't happy when the Steelers let him go to find a bigger free agency check. It's not easy to find a dependable kicker in the NFL, much less a kicker you can count on in big game, clutch moments. But, I just took a deep breath and repeated my mantra, "In the Rooneys, I trust."

The other kicker I truly enjoyed as a football fan was Kevin Butler (ironically, he played with the Chicago Bears). I don't have a clear sense of how good of a leg he had, but what I appreciated most about Butler was that he was a decent tackler...for a kicker. Born and raised in central Pennsylvania, I could tackle before I could walk. So, when I see pitiful tackles during games it only arouses disgust and scorn. Kickers and quarterbacks are the worst offenders. (The worst tackle I have ever witnessed was by Chad Pennington when he was still with the Jets. The opposing team was running for gold after a turnover, and Pennington made a fierce lunge at some invisible blocker five feet away from the person who actually had the ball. Pathetic.) Which is why during this year's draft I viciously questioned the validity of kickers:

Kindhearted commentator, probably Mooch: "Punters are people, too."
Me: "Yeah, but are they football players?"

I'm not an impatient fan who judges players based on "yeah-but-what-have-you-done-for-me-lately." I'm still rooting for Limas Sweed to step up and prove why he should be wearing black and gold for five more years, despite the tantalizing potential that is Mike Wallace (I'm already calling him 60 Minute Man.) If Reed has become less reliable because of a substance abuse problem, I fully expect the Steelers to demand a treatment plan to help him return to the excellent form we're used to seeing. If Reed's whiffing is due to a "case of the frat boy who can't let go of partying," I fully expect someone to correct that situation (and by that, I mean put a foot up his ass).

Best New Show THIS Fall - glee

g l e e

1. Jane Lynch
Hers is the best performance in Role Models. She always brings the amazingness to Party Down. She brought Ricky Bobby into this world. I've always wondered who was tougher: Christy Cummings or Dick Cheney (I think we know now with Cheney whining on tv more than Glenn Beck.) Now, I have the ultimate battle: Cummings vs. Sylvester. Damn. Tomorrow's brunch topic.

2. Sue Sylvester
There is no one more menacing or luminous in an Adidas track suit. I've got to admire anyone who can make people cry by just staring them down.

3. Emma
If I could get a man to agree to live across town, never admit our union, and expect zero sex, I'd get married, too. Last week's brunch topic-- Would Emma get it on with Will despite her OCD issues? The consensus was "Hell, yes. Horny + true love trumps crazy." Then, the conversation devolved into "Could she be a virgin?" and "How would she do it?" I'm still puzzling over it.

4. Writing
My favorite episode still is "Preggers." Kurt's coming out combined with the hilarious football dancing blows everything out of the water so far. I know football. My family knows football. If that actually happened on a field, it would be mindblowing...and legendary. People would talk about it for 100 years. It was just on the edge of believable. When your team has been that winless for so long, desperation makes you turn to extreme measures. Just ask the Titans.

Every episode is quoteworthy. For about a year, I've been stopping my boss in her tracks by exclaiming "But, Dad! It's Shark Week!" when she makes unreasonable requests. I do it for mundane demands, too. I can see her going down the checklist: not her dad, not even a man, what the hell is shark week, what does it mean, why does she keep saying it, and
is she being insubordinate. (Oddly enough, it has a similar effect on my pharmacist. He was a bastard during my recovery from dental surgery, and I'm the kind of bitch that never forgets. Never.) Now, I randomly throw out "Your resentment is...delicious." The "WTF" face lifts the burden of drudgery every time.

5. The covers.
More often than not, they're stellar. I downloaded "Hate On Me" despite iTunes' price-gouging fuckery. It's the only song I've been playing for the past three straight days. It just passed Nina Simone's "Feeling Good" and is creeping up on #1 Marlena Shaw's "Go Away Little Boy." It joins the list of songs I've mercilessly replayed for a disturbing amount of time, including the aforementioned Shaw ditty (dirty thing); Sass' rendition of "Mean to Me" (college thing); another Shaw tune, "Loving You Was Like a Party," (heartbreak thing); and the black vaudeville chestnut,
"(You've Got the) Right Key But the Wrong Keyhole," (grandmother thing). It also makes the list of songs that talk me down from viciously slappin' white people, including "Fight the Power" (college thing); "Man in Black" (daddy thing); "A Change Is Gonna Come" (Obama thing) and "Rise Up Shepherd" (human thing).

At this point, nothing will make me download anything from Be-dunc-ye. Not even Kurt, the boy who works angora better than Sandra Dee.

6. Its potential
There is so much talent, audacity and bounce in this show to launch it to a stratosphere of excellence that will result in the obliteration of America's celebration of mediocrity and blandness. Yeah, I'm namechecking Jay Leno.

Plus, its a tasty vehicle for TV viewers to use as a giant "Fuck You" to NBC.

Open letter to Jeff Zucker:
I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits.
That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my tv listings.

Is anyone else still mourning Brandon Tartikoff?