Best New Show THIS Fall - glee

g l e e

1. Jane Lynch
Hers is the best performance in Role Models. She always brings the amazingness to Party Down. She brought Ricky Bobby into this world. I've always wondered who was tougher: Christy Cummings or Dick Cheney (I think we know now with Cheney whining on tv more than Glenn Beck.) Now, I have the ultimate battle: Cummings vs. Sylvester. Damn. Tomorrow's brunch topic.

2. Sue Sylvester
There is no one more menacing or luminous in an Adidas track suit. I've got to admire anyone who can make people cry by just staring them down.

3. Emma
If I could get a man to agree to live across town, never admit our union, and expect zero sex, I'd get married, too. Last week's brunch topic-- Would Emma get it on with Will despite her OCD issues? The consensus was "Hell, yes. Horny + true love trumps crazy." Then, the conversation devolved into "Could she be a virgin?" and "How would she do it?" I'm still puzzling over it.

4. Writing
My favorite episode still is "Preggers." Kurt's coming out combined with the hilarious football dancing blows everything out of the water so far. I know football. My family knows football. If that actually happened on a field, it would be mindblowing...and legendary. People would talk about it for 100 years. It was just on the edge of believable. When your team has been that winless for so long, desperation makes you turn to extreme measures. Just ask the Titans.

Every episode is quoteworthy. For about a year, I've been stopping my boss in her tracks by exclaiming "But, Dad! It's Shark Week!" when she makes unreasonable requests. I do it for mundane demands, too. I can see her going down the checklist: not her dad, not even a man, what the hell is shark week, what does it mean, why does she keep saying it, and
is she being insubordinate. (Oddly enough, it has a similar effect on my pharmacist. He was a bastard during my recovery from dental surgery, and I'm the kind of bitch that never forgets. Never.) Now, I randomly throw out "Your resentment is...delicious." The "WTF" face lifts the burden of drudgery every time.

5. The covers.
More often than not, they're stellar. I downloaded "Hate On Me" despite iTunes' price-gouging fuckery. It's the only song I've been playing for the past three straight days. It just passed Nina Simone's "Feeling Good" and is creeping up on #1 Marlena Shaw's "Go Away Little Boy." It joins the list of songs I've mercilessly replayed for a disturbing amount of time, including the aforementioned Shaw ditty (dirty thing); Sass' rendition of "Mean to Me" (college thing); another Shaw tune, "Loving You Was Like a Party," (heartbreak thing); and the black vaudeville chestnut,
"(You've Got the) Right Key But the Wrong Keyhole," (grandmother thing). It also makes the list of songs that talk me down from viciously slappin' white people, including "Fight the Power" (college thing); "Man in Black" (daddy thing); "A Change Is Gonna Come" (Obama thing) and "Rise Up Shepherd" (human thing).

At this point, nothing will make me download anything from Be-dunc-ye. Not even Kurt, the boy who works angora better than Sandra Dee.

6. Its potential
There is so much talent, audacity and bounce in this show to launch it to a stratosphere of excellence that will result in the obliteration of America's celebration of mediocrity and blandness. Yeah, I'm namechecking Jay Leno.

Plus, its a tasty vehicle for TV viewers to use as a giant "Fuck You" to NBC.

Open letter to Jeff Zucker:
I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits.
That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my tv listings.

Is anyone else still mourning Brandon Tartikoff?