Forget About St. Peter, Just Send Bea Arthur

I don't need St. Peter to meet me at the gates. One, I'm not Catholic and saints don't impress me. Just send Maudie in a glorious pantsuit with cocktails. We'll skip the pleasantries and get straight to the dish.

I don't have much use for Jezebel.com. I hesitate to call them feminists--they don't seem to have the balls, and they usually err on the side of "cutesy." But, they served up a good tribute to Bea Arthur, her characters, and their impact on pop culture. The clips are excellent, too. Another memoriam piece that was a cut above the rest was in the LA Times. They explained why we won't see another like Ms. Bea Arthur again. I would have loved to see Tina Fey go toe to toe with the Incomparable Maudie. That's the closest female comedic performer who might have had a chance against that baleful stare. Or, Amy Poehler.

Bea Arthur listed three influences on her career:

"Sid Caesar taught me the outrageous; (method acting guru) Lee Strasberg taught me what I call reality; and ('Threepenny Opera' star) Lotte Lenya, whom I adored, taught me economy.''


That's a hell of a gumbo. If I had to list three influences for myself, I would say #75, Muhammed Ali, and Madonna. Probably why I'm not in comedy.

God will get you for that, Walter.

The amazingly talented Bea Arthur passed away today. Gulp. That lady could really deliver a line. She played Dorothy on the insanely popular "Golden Girls," but I loved her most as Maude. Television from the Seventies had the best theme songs, and one of the best was "And Then There's Maude" sung by Donny Hathaway. I busted out for that theme song. I loved how it name-checked famous ladies, and then encouraged you to yell out for Maude over and over.

I asked my mother once if she had any regrets about the way she raised me. She said the only thing she'd change is her constant attempt to mold me into ladylike and "quiet" behaviour. Looking back, she thought life would be easier for me if I learned how to curb my mouth and gentle my eyes. She says now that she was mistaken because 1) life is hard no matter what, so "go, girl, go" 2) I seem to be able to handle the consequences of being outspoken and 3) it was a futile mission from the get-go and she only garnered wrinkles and gray hairs for her trouble.

And, I am mouthy. Overriding my mother's priority on decorum, the power of feminine sass was given to me by the aunties, Florence Johnston, and then there was Maude! If you risked her displeasure, she would lovingly growl, "I'll rip your heart out." I wish I could bask in that growl one more time.


Maude was awesome, and that was due to the talent of Bea Arthur. She went on to play Dorothy and gained even more admirers. No doubt that show was hilarious, too, with the riposting between Dorothy and Ma; Dorothy and Herb; well, Dorothy and everybody. Another performance that is worthy of mention is Ms. Arthur in the film version of Mame playing Vera Charles, the original Patsy (get in line Joanna Lumley).

May she rest in peace.
With a never-ending pitcher of martinis.

Bea Arthur
May 13, 1922 - April 25, 2009